13 questions


permanent marker turns boys into tigers

Trying to figure the following things out:

1. Why do my children act out while I’m trying to do work, but sit quietly as I read Texts From Last Night?

2. Then again, why does the word “work” not mean a damn thing?

3. Why am I dragging Conner outside when it’s sunny for 2 weeks, but begging him to stop asking when it’s cold or raining?

4. Who told my son that the only way to eat spaghetti is with his bare hands?

5. What on earth are my children thinking when they dump everything they own into a pile?

6. Why won’t my body figure out how to look it’s best without exercise?

7. Why can’t I spell the word “exercise” without googling it?

8.  What part of being in the car, even for 3 seconds, means my children’s feet become naked and shoes become lost in oblivion?

9. How evil is it that my boys are so warm and cozy and angelic-like at night?

10. Why does their hair always smell of baby?

11. What makes me able to hear their voices over a sea of other children yelling the same thing – “mommy!”?

12. Why does my best friend, mother and all of my available baby sitters live 2 hours away from me?

13. Where’s my money tree?

Correct answers get an Oreo cookie and a glass of boxed wine.

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