Vigilante Vegetarian | Girl Model | The Porn Patrol

Another Vigilante Vegetarian

Dear Micah,
My vegetarian mother-in-law told our son that meat is full of bacteria and that it’s unhealthy for him to digest. This made me furious but my wife told me to keep quiet and let her handle it. She’s a good mother-in-law in many ways but her biggest fault is that she just decides what she thinks is right and doesn’t worry about anyone else’s opinions. Now my son believes that if he eats meat he’ll get sick. I want to have it out with her but I don’t want to ruin our relationship or piss off my wife. What do you think about this?
Fed Up


Dear Fed Up,

Your problem strikes close to my heart as I am a meat-atarian. I just eat meat, and some starches. To me, potato chips are my vegetable, so I hear you brother! Your mother-in-law has got to be made to understand that she has overstepped her territory and that she doesn’t get to be the one to decide whether or not your boy is a meat eater or not. However, it’s your wife’s responsibility to tend to the problems that her crazy relatives may create. Had your mother done this, then I’d say that you should handle it. Right now you just need to undo the brainwashing done on your son. Educate him on vegetarianism and the benefits and detriments of that lifestyle. Also educate him on the benefits and detriments of meat eating. He should be told the facts–all of them.

And then, just between you and me…. I’d cook dinner, some sort of veggie stew or casserole, and I’d blend up some beef into a puree and add to the meal.  Make it so thin that its almost broth.  Make sure that your son sees you do this and swear him to secrecy.  Then at dinner, he can watch Grandma devour the delicious meal never knowing the truth.  Then later tell your boy, “If meat was so deadly, Grandma would have keeled over at the table rather than devouring every bite the way she did.  Grandma doesn’t know everything!”


The Girl Who Wanted to Be A Model

Dear Ask Micah,

My friends all tell me that I should try to break into modeling.   I’m attaching a picture, but please don’t put it on the website.  I think I’m pretty, and I think I could make it as a model.  Do you think I have what it takes?  If so, I found an agency in Atlanta that doesn’t cost much and I could live with my cousin and give it a try.  My parents say it’s too hard of a career to break into, but my friends think I should try.  Please look at my picture and let me know if you agree.  This could be the start of something big for me.

Top Model Wannabe


Dear America’s Next Top Wannabe,

You are pretty.  You may be able to have a career in modeling, but I doubt you’re going to shake any mountains with it.  You could move to Atlanta and live with your cousin and give it a whirl, and it could be the start of something big for you, or it could be the start of a big mess that leaves you smoking meth and doing porn.  Who knows?  I have seen America’s Next Top Model before, and you are just as pretty as any of those girls have been, but then again, I never really got too blown away by any of them–and to my knowledge, none of them ever actually became any kind of top model of any merit.  You are pretty, but in my opinion, just J.C.Penny catalog pretty, but they’re always needing models too so maybe if you lowered your sights just a hair and did some catalogue work, you could be a success.  I say stay home, go to college, become a dentist and make a fortune!  Beauty fades but bad teeth are eternal!


The Porn Patrol

Dear Micah,

I keep catching my son watching dirty movies on cable that show nudity and sexual situations. I told him to stop watching them but that didn’t work, neither did grounding him.  I even took his TV out of his room but he started again once he got it back.  He knows he isn’t allowed to watch those kinds of films and he knows it.  It’s all made me wonder if this is a discipline problem or a puberty problem?  It’s hard for me to tell if he’s just being defiant or overwhelmed by his hormones.

Worried Mom


Dear Worried Mom,

Stop worrying.  There is NOTHING WRONG AT ALL with your son.  He is just a normal boy who wants to look at naked people.  Does he obey you in most other matters?  If so, then this is strictly hormonal.  If he never obeys you then you just haven’t yet tapped into how to communicate with him on a level where he respects you and your rules.  But this just sounds like a curious teen or preteen situation.  I assume that there is no man in your household or he’d be telling you that this is normal.

I once knew a woman who was totally freaked out by dirty magazines under her son’s mattress. She ordered her husband to have a talk with him and punish him for having those “filthy publications” in his possession.  The husband told his wife that he’d take care of it.  He marched into his son’s room and said, “For Pete’s sake son, hide your porn in better places so Mom will stop having a meltdown!”  I tell you this to demonstrate to you that this is not a big deal.  I know that having your son watch these movies grosses you out and that these movies are stupid, offensive, and probably goes against your moral teachings.

However, every kid needs an outlet for their burgeoning sexual curiosities and sexual frustrations, only usually the parents never find out about it.  I personally think that having your son watch dirty movies to get his fill of seeing naked women is much better than his choosing to become sexually active early to satisfy that craving.  I know that someone is going to send me an email telling me I am depraved and wrong for saying that this is no big deal–but they’re just uptight.

And you may think that those movies are immoral and that he’s too young to watch them–and you’re right about the immoral part, they’re basically softcore porn, but there is a need in your son to answer some questions and to satisfy some curiosities and these trashy movies are fulfilling that.  You need to step in and stop punishing him for watching these.

Instead, have an adult conversation with him about the sexual questions he may have and see if you can find out why he’s turning to these movies.  Maybe he has questions about sex.  Maybe he just wants to watch hot naked people.  You won’t know until you ask.  No matter what his age is or how uncomfortable you may be with it, he is old enough to talk to.  He would not be interested in watching these films on cable if he weren’t ready.  Have the sex talk with him if you haven’t already.  Then leave it alone.  If he continues to watch the movies, he’s just being a regular boy.

Males like naked people!  We liked naked movies.  We like naked pictures.  Anyone who says they don’t is just a liar whose wife hasn’t discovered their stash yet!  In this world of sex addiction and adultery, it’s easy to fear that this kind of thing is going to warp your son.  It isn’t.  Sex addicts and cheaters have many other issues going on in their psyches other than just a natural curiosity to look at beautiful bodies.   However, making your son feel like he’s depraved or as if there is something greatly wrong with him for these desires could possibly put him on the road to a warped mind.  Just do your best to not overreact and try to convey to him that this is no big deal.  If you keep it like that then it won’t become one.

If you have a question you’d like to ask Micah, please email it to  Questions may appear online or in print in B-Metro Magazine.

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