Ask Jennifer: Longing for lost love or just being nosey?


My husband of 10 years has been acting different recently and spending a lot of time on Facebook and just looking at his phone. He accidentally left his phone at home one day so I looked at his Facebook history. I noticed that he had been looking up ex-girlfriends, but I didn’t see any conversations with them on there or on his texts. I’m very hurt by the fact that he has been looking up girlfriends and don’t know if this means he’s cheating, but I still just have that sinking feeling that something isn’t right. Do you think this counts as cheating and if so, is it something you see often? Am I just being paranoid?              Worried in Warrior

Dear Worried,

The answer to whether someone’s use of Facebook constitutes cheating can be complex but the short answer is, it depends. What we know for sure is that he has been looking up old girlfriends and that he has been acting differently. Was he looking up other people beyond old girlfriends such as old classmates or did you notice? It’s common for people to be curious about what is going on with people in their past, and with Facebook and other social media sites there is a new avenue for people to connect with others that they might not have previously connected to. From a personal standpoint, I’m a firm believer in the idea that cheating doesn’t have to be physical as there is such a thing as an emotional affair. The problem with an emotional affair is that it can cause major issues in the relationship as the spouse forms an attachment to someone that often leads to physical cheating later on. From a legal standpoint, an affair is very hard to prove, and you would definitely need more evidence than just the fact that your husband is searching for ex-girlfriends. With all that said, you have to trust your gut instinct as to whether something is wrong or not in a relationship. You need to ask yourself whether-or-not your marriage is worth saving.  If you want to try to stay married, I would suggest talking to your husband about your worries.  Obviously, if he is having an affair, he may get better at hiding things once you speak to him; however, if your marriage is worth saving, this may need to be a risk you take.  Although it is hard to speak as to your particular circumstances, I see a lot of marriages that might have been saved had the couple simply communicated. Hopefully, once you talk with your husband you will find out that it was simply a case of him being nosey and that your worry was for nothing.

jennifer-rose-3Jennifer G. Rose is the founder and lead attorney at The Rose Law Firm LLC. One of only a handful of certified family law specialists in the state, Jennifer and her firm have won dozens of awards for their work in the field. Those wishing to reach her may call 205-323-1124 24 hours a day or visit Her firm gives complimentary initial consultations in person.

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