Ask Micah


unnamedDear Micah,

I am fuming mad at my husband over something boneheaded he did at our baby’s Gender Reveal party.  I recognize that men want sons but it hurt my feelings really badly when he remarked “We’re going to love it anyway,” when it was revealed that we were having a girl.  I was terribly embarrassed in front of my family and friends.  I have sisters and nieces and for him to make such a remark devalued us all.  He says it was just a light hearted joke and that he’s thrilled with a daughter, but I can’t get it out of my head.  I know he was wanting a son, but the fact is we are having a girl.  Because of his remark I can’t stop thinking that he resents the baby already.

Trisha

Dear Trisha,

I totally see how this hurt your feelings and embarrassed you, but Trisha, try to forgive your husband.  I really doubt he holds any resentment towards his unborn daughter.  I think it was exactly like you said, he just made a boneheaded joke.  Men sometimes say the wrong thing without thinking.  I know I wouldn’t want to be held accountable for half the things I have said before that I really didn’t mean.  You may be a little sensitive to the remark because its your own baby and you are a female and his thoughtless remark was derogatory to females.  You have every right to take offense, but do not be seriously concerned.  In that moment he just needed to be corrected and told that it was not okay and then let the matter go.  The moment your husband sees that precious girl he will be in love forever.

 

Dear Micah,

I need you to settle a dispute between me and my once-friend Shannon.  I had a dog named Jarvis which I had and loved for four years.  Then I got a job offer out of state and my job required a great deal of travel.  So, Shannon offered to take Jarvis and give him a stable home for me.  Very nice I know.  I was very appreciative.  It broke my heart to lose him but I was going to be traveling most of the week and rarely be home so it just seemed to be better for Jarvis.  So, I kept that job for a year and a month and decided it was too much on me to be on the go that much.  I have since quit and returned home to my previous job and I want Jarvis back.  Shannon says he belongs to her now and has bonded with her family.  He was mine for four years!  He has only known them for one.  I believe she owes me my dog back!  He was my puppy and constant companion.  I think its cruel for her to keep him.  I’m thinking of suing her over this.  Do you think I have a right to Jarvis or does he now belong to Shannon?  I’m going to sue regardless but was interested in what you think.

Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I think Jarvis belongs to Shannon.  I know that’s got to hurt to hear but I’ll tell you why.  No matter what transpired BEFORE, the fact is that the last thirteen months of his life have been lived in that household with those people.  Presumably they all love him and he loves them, otherwise it would be a great relief to Shannon that you wanted him back.  For her to risk a friendship over this means that there must be some real genuine love for Jarvis at her house.  The best thing for Jarvis is to be where he is safe and comfortable and loved, AND FAMILIAR.  He is familiar with their house now, with their residents and their routines.  Its Jarvis’ home.  I am sure he still remembers you and would feel a connection to you, but his home is with Shannon now.  Truth is that you chose to accept the job and leave him behind.  There is nothing wrong with that choice because you made sure he had a great home to go to—BUT you left him.  If Jarvis was this huge beloved entity in your life that you can’t live without, you’d have found a way to take him or turned down the job if it meant losing him.  But the job took precedence and you went with that.  Again, nothing wrong with that because you took great care to make sure he’d be happy and well looked after.   However, I personally wouldn’t uproot him now.  Just because your dream didn’t pan out is no reason to try and do a reverse and upend his life.  Jarvis is not your dog anymore.  Leave him where he is at home, in Shannon’s family.  To do anything else is a selfish gesture in my opinion.  Not the right thing for Jarvis.

 

Micah,

Can I justify a continuing friendship with a person I fired from my business for theft?  I really like this person.  We hit it off on a personal level and had started to become great friends.  I was shocked and disappointed in her actions when I discovered she stole.  I am not making excuses for such a behavior but there was a reasonable explanation that she confided to me.  I still had to terminate her employment but it did not make me dislike her.  I understand that sounds crazy and my staff will also view it in that regard.  Any way you slice it though, I don’t want her out of my life.  What do you think about my continuing a friendship?

The Boss

Dear Boss,

It is unconventional for a boss to befriend an employee they fired for stealing from them, but I do understand.  As a business owner, I have fired several people for stealing over the years.  One or two happened to be people I really cared about.  It took some time to forgive and get past things but I managed to keep some kind of relationship with one of them.  The other, I rehired a year later—only to have to fire them again.  So, personally, I do not think you are foolish to find the good in this person.  I know so many people are quick to cite judgmental quips like “Once a thief, always a thief” but I do not believe that one or two mistakes necessarily define our character.  Character is decided by a long running list of traits and actions.  We all get a few misdemeanors in my opinion.  It is completely plausible that this person is a kind person and a good friend who just made a regrettable choice.  Go into the friendship with eyes open though.  I doubt you’ll allow any wool to be pulled over your eyes.  As for staff that judge you over continuing a friendship.  Just explain to them.  I think its never wrong to try and find the good in someone and I’d rather be viewed as a fool for over-trusting than be bitter and closed off from second chances.

 

If you’d like to ASK MICAH, please email him at askmicahnow@gmail.com

 

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