The Leech | A Sense of Security | The Dreamers


The Leech

Dear Micah,

I’ve got a girlfriend in her thirties who’s still supported by Daddy.  She works in a job where there’s no future and doesn’t make very much.  Her Dad pays her rent and all utilities and car expenses.  She uses her earnings for clothes and fun money.  For some reason this burns me up.  It’s like she doesn’t want to grow up and take care of herself.  She’s got no plan to change for about her.  She’s perfect in every way but this one and it pesters me.  Should I just let this go or should I tell her how I feel and see if she’d be willing to get independent for me?  She may be the one for me so I want to get past this.  A buddy says maybe I’m just jealous cause I have to work to pay my bills.  I don’t know.

Steve

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Dear Steve,

Dump her sorry lazy ass today!  There is no excuse for any grown adult capable of working to allow Mommy and Daddy to pay all of their bills.  I could understand it if your girlfriend was disabled, or if she were a single working mother finding it hard to make ends meet and her parents helped supplement her income from time to time–but a perfectly capable single young person that they totally support is just ridiculous.  Her parents are stupid and she is a leech.  Your instincts are telling you that this isn’t right and that’s why this burns you up.  Steve, your girlfriend is just plain sorry.  I don’t care how much you think you care about her or how perfect she is in other ways, this is a spoiled person.  Your girlfriend has been placed on a velvet pillow and taught that she doesn’t have to carry any responsibility for her life or her maintenance.

She probably carries a strong sense of entitlement as well.  This isn’t good wife material.  The last thing you want is to marry someone who is going to be an anchor around your neck, always demanding more from you but never pulling her share of the weight.  This is the last person you want to have kids with–unless you actually want to spend the rest of your life supporting your own lazy, entitled children.  Your girlfriend’s parents have made a serious mistake with their love.  By trying to take care of every one of their daughter’s needs, they have robbed her of the desire to succeed and be independent.  It’s too late for her to change, but it is not too late for you to get away and find someone who can be an equal partner for you–not just an oversized child.  Dump her and dump her quickly.  And don’t worry about hurting her feelings.  I’m sure Mommy and Daddy will get her a pony if it hurts too much.

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A Sense of Security

Micah,

We’ve had some break-ins in our area and my husband thinks we need a gun.  I don’t want one because we have children.  He says he’ll lock it up in a locked metal box.  I’m against guns.  We both read B-Metro all the time and love your opinions.  We thought we’d get your input on the matter.

Mac and Debra

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Dear Mac and Debra,

I have no issue with guns; in fact, I am for them.  I believe we have a constitutional right to bear arms and protect ourselves when need be.  I think that the bad guys are always going to be able to lay their hands on firearms, and if regular law-abiding citizens were to forego their rights to own guns, then we would all be at the mercy of anyone who had a gun when we didn’t.

I also believe that a big part of why a democracy works lies in the freedom a citizen has to be armed.  If the government ever went too crazy and started treating us the way many infamous dictators have treated their people, we could all unite, brandish our weapons, and march on the capital.  That’s what keeps a government formed by the people for the people in check–the fact that if anyone goes too far and tries to suppress our rights, freedoms, and liberties, we can shoot their ass!  But that’s just my opinion.

With all of that said, I do not think it’s a good idea to have a gun in your house if you have kids.  If you lived alone, it’d be different.  When you are alone and you hear someone inside the house at 3am, it’s all right to start shooting because anyone who’s in there isn’t supposed to be, but if you are married or partnered up in anyway  and/or have kids in the house, you might react to a noise and shoot the very person that you thought was snug and warm in bed.

There’s also the danger that happens if the child gets hold of the gun.  We’ve all heard this story a thousand times and it always ends badly.  A locked box isn’t going to be of much help.  Kids can find keys.  That even sounds like part of the game for a kid–let’s find where Dad hid the key to the gun cabinet.  Some people will argue that children can be taught not to touch their parents’ gun and that it’s all a question of discipline.  I don’t disagree.  When I was a child my grandfather’s rifle hung by two nails right above his bedroom door frame.  All of us kids saw it and none of us ever touched it.  We knew not to if you didn’t want your behind whipped with one of his hunting boots.  And in my own household, I knew that my mother kept a gun in her bedside table, but I never touched it.

However, just because I happened to be scared of those guns doesn’t mean I plan on trusting my little boy to do the same.  Maybe a kid can be taught not to mess with his parents’ gun, but I’m not taking that risk.  The price is too high to pay if I’m wrong.  I have no gun in my home, and I feel perfectly safe.  I have a great alarm system with cameras–and I am so fast and deadly with a butcher knife that whenever I hear a noise, I feel perfectly safe with only it in my hand as I check things out.  A bullet can travel a good distance, but so can my knife when I give it a good strong flick.  I say call a good security system and get a set of Ginsu knives.

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The Dreamers

Dear Micah,

My brother used to talk about all of the things he wanted to do after he got out of school before he settled down.  It was real important to him.  Now he’s just finished college and wants to get married.  I think it’s a mistake to do that so soon before he’s had a chance to do the things he always dreamed of.

J

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Dear J,

Then by all means, make sure that you don’t get married before you do all that you dreamed of, but leave him alone to do whatever he wants to do now.  I don’t know your age, but you sound like the younger sister here.  So, you are probably in high school or just starting college.  You are still in the dreaming stage of life.  You are full of big ideas on everything you plan to do with your life and all the places you plan to see, and you and your brother used to talk about these things together.  He had those same dreams.

However, in his case, school has ended, reality has set in, the real world has claimed him, and he fell in love and wants to start a life.  He hasn’t abandoned anything and doesn’t need to be reminded of anything.  When he talked about those big plans, he was a boy in school.  Now he’s a man in the world and boyhood fantasies just aren’t all that important anymore to him.  I used to swear that I was moving to Argentina when I got out of high school.  That didn’t happen.  The closest I ever got was Tampa Bay, Florida for about five minutes, and when that didn’t work out, I came running back home–and I’ve never regretted it.

There’s nothing wrong with your brother’s choice to get married now.  You have to accept that the dreamer guy you knew has traded those dreams in for something tangible and achievable.  I hope that you get to fulfill your dreams someday if they are still your dreams when the time comes, but most likely, you’re going to discover that there’s no money, time, or opportunity to see them out, and it won’t matter because you’ll have made some newer, more adult dreams to put in their place.

If you have a question for Micah email, him at micahcargo@hotmail.com

One Response to “The Leech | A Sense of Security | The Dreamers”

  1. Kristye Dixon says:

    Who says you can’t live out your dreams with the person you have married?

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