Aye, Aye!


Water-U-Waiting for?

By Luke Robinson

Okay,  I am going to need y’all to bear with me for a moment while I hash out an idea. A multi-million dollar idea if we play our cards right.

You guys have probably used pseudo-taxi services like Uber or Lyft. Sure you have. If you haven’t, you should. They are awesome. These ride services provide quick, efficient and clean transportation without the “Hey…why is everything in here sticky?” question marks of some other public transportation.

But ride sharing on the roads is a pretty saturated market. If you didn’t get in on the ground floor, it may be really expensive to do so now. (That may or not be true, I dunno… For the purposes of this article, let’s just pretend it is.)

However, what about a BOAT-SHARING service? Like Uber—BUT ON WATER!?!

Good idea, right?!

Think about it: Traditionally, when you take your friends or family out on one of the nearby  lakes, they get to spend their time conversing or tubing or sunbathing or doing some mild-to-medium frolicking. Meanwhile, there you are driving the boat like a sucker. Being all alert, cautious and sober.

BOOOOOOOORiiiiinnnnng!

But what if someone else was driving the boat? What if YOU got to converse? What if YOU got to be slung 16 feet in the air when the boat pulling  the tube you are riding in hits the right wave? What if YOU got to enjoy a sip (or 10) of that special-anniversary boxed wine without having to make sure the water patrol wasn’t lurking?

That’s where “Water-U-Waiting-For” Boat Services come into play!

Just like Uber or Lyft, you will be able to tap an app, call your ride and glide across the shimmering waters without worry while someone else navigates the vessel. Let that guy worry about crowded boat slips which, in the summertime, have less parking than Midnight Star’s dance floor. It’s also now his problem if someone forgets to put that bumper out (and that l’il perk cannot be understated).

All you have to do is command the driver to stop by the nearest marina to grab a microwaved pizza or head to the overpriced restaurant for a Styrofoam plate of fried squealers. Just be sure to pack that pitcher of sangria and a couple of extra hard lemonades, because you are about to float your cares away well into the shank of the  evening!

Is this service going to be expensive? Probably. I have done no research other than writing this column about it. But I can guarantee it’ll be cheaper than fighting a BUI.

Heck, with this new service, you really don’t even need to buy a boat! That’s a monstrous savings right there alone!

The name of my idea needs work though, doesn’t it? “Water-U-Waiting-4”?

What if I went with “Buoyant This Nice” or “Drift, Wood-ya” or “Wake Bored” or even “Luke’s Floaters” instead?

Look, the name’s not important right now. It’s the concept that will make us more money than Nick Saban’s swear jar.

Sooooooo…. Who’s in? All I ask is for a fair share of company profits with absolutely no risk.

I will see you all at the stockholders’ meeting!

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