Bathroom Bewilderment

By Lee Ann “Sunny” Brown

The weather and the season are not the only things changing these days. The times are changing, too, and I don’t mean Daylight Savings Time.

I recently read that “the powers that be” are having a difficult time trying to figure out how to deal with the whole transgender bathroom issue. It has been suggested that they are going to have people use the restroom that coincides with the gender on their birth certificate. Will I now be required to carry my ID just to use the restroom?

This leaves me wondering if there will now be someone standing at the door of every public restroom across the country checking our birth certificates. If so, I really don’t see how this will hold up. I mean a lot of things have changed since the day they issued my birth certificate. I’m practically unrecognizable. I’ve gained like 115 pounds. (Hey—I wonder if they will let me use my original weight for my driver’s license?)

And, then, I began to get really worried. How, I wonder, will this whole thing affect us women over 40 (and up…) who have gone through “The Change” of men-o-pause? I mean, I really didn’t have a choice in this whole process. Mother Nature cast her spell over me and things just started changing naturally; my skin began to get rougher, I now have facial hair, even a few chest hairs! And my voice has gotten lower. Now I know why it’s called “The Change”—we change into men! Before long, I fear, I won’t be paying attention to myself anymore, and I feel it’s just a matter of time before I will no longer stop to ask anybody for directions, or anything else for that matter—I’ll know everything! Maybe there are a few good things to come from this after all.

If you read any of the women’s magazines or HuffPost 50, there is always talk about how women disappear from society once they hit the age of 50. Well, now I know what happens to them. They change into men! I really can’t understand why Bruce Jenner chose to turn himself (or herself), into a 49-year-old woman. Because in just another year or two, he’s going to start turning back into a man and end up right back where he started.

And then I wonder: I mean, if I still find myself using the women’s restroom, how will anybody really know if I am turning into a man or not? I’ve never once peeked over into the stall next to me to see if “she” is really a “she”—or not. And, I hope no one is planning on doing that to me. In fact, there could always be a transgender person in the stall next to me and I would never know it—and they don’t know that there is one in the stall next to them, either!

For those of us that are questioning our identity and feeling “Gender Confused” (is that the “Q” in LGBTQ, “Questioning”?), is there a Gender Neutral bathroom we can safely use? One where no one cares that I have a five o’clock shadow or that I like to have the last word, but I also like wearing dresses and high-heels…and I have given birth to two children?

Actually, given all the changes I have gone through if I am now identifying as “Male,” I am really looking forward to being able to “legally” take advantage of the shorter lines and use the men’s restroom. Just think about it: If they let all the women who are now identifying as male use the men’s restrooms, the lines would be much more even. That right there is reason enough for me to vote for allowing people to use whichever bathroom they now identify with.

I’ve become transgender—and there is nothing I can do about it. It isn’t something I chose to happen; it has just happened organically. I was born this way. However, even before this organic change took place within me there were times when I would go in and use the men’s restroom in cases of emergency, even if a man was in there. So, I always have had balls.

I think change is inevitable and there’s really nothing you can do about it so you might as well embrace it. I share a bathroom at home with a man and, now, it seems as if my husband shares a bathroom with one, too! And, he doesn’t seem to mind.

One Response to “Bathroom Bewilderment”

  1. Scott Hicks says:

    Wow! What a horrific article. We’re yall desperate for space. I’m not transgender but I suspect that anyone who is and that reads this article would be shocked. Thanks for using transgender as the ass end of the jock. I needed an excuse to cancel my subscription and you dear provided it. Educate yourself hunty!

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