Find Your Partners, Ladies and Gents


But understand how to look for them.

By April Jones

There has always been, and will always be a constant struggle to figure out where and how we fit into one another’s lives—especially between man and woman. It is a complex dance. Once established in the footwork, which can initially appear awkward and unsightly, we find we can execute the dance with grace and pleasure.

“Men are from Mars.” Why Mars? Mars is the planet that governs war, aggression, and power. Men are strong, spacious, and dynamic in their ability: hunters, fighters, and champions. They are hungry, and provide the ability to comfort, often in their presence alone. Usually grapplers by nature, appreciative of a struggle, with an innate need to participate in “the fight,” they are warriors. They want to defend, protect, chase, pursue, and compete. They are the ones that stand the ground, fight off the threat, and defend the turf come hell or high water! They are tough, engaging, always curious, and require space for adventure and reflection.

“Women are from Venus.” Why Venus? Venus is the planet that governs sensuality, movement and allure. Women are complex, often described emotional, at best. They feed the appetite by way of inspiring, seducing and nurturing. Women seek to create a place of security, comfort, and support. The gatherers who will lovingly shove you straight out of the nest—they are avengers. Women seek a strength they can lean against. They desire understanding, empathy, and the exhilaration of pursuit. They are the ones that most often assure because they are the ones that plan and dare to dream. They want companionship, an ear, a voice, a touch. Women are soft, sensual, ever expanding, always shifting, and require space for energy and emotion.

These counter roles serve to strengthen and enhance, while depending on the presence and balance of one another. There is a place within us all for the other end of this personal spectrum that can only be found in a partner. A partner that was consciously created before time began that would satisfy, strengthen and solidify your very essence! Someone that speaks the same love languages, reciprocates your desire, understands your emotions, longs to encourage and engage you, and believes in the same things you do. I’m not saying you “need” the other person to complete you in the codependent context. But if you are to look at the perfectly balanced, never ending circle to which the yin and yang of all things is shaped, the being and presence of Mars completes and compliments Venus, because the galaxy depends on the presence of both.

Consider what men and women are drawn to? Think of movies, music, media, and marketing (what continues to sell can not be overlooked). Let’s start with men. Where do you see the permanence for a man’s time and attention? What is it that calls to our men; compels them? Sex. War. Violence. Aggression. Assertion. Activity. Consider the best selling “men movies” (don’t be hatin’—you know you call’em “chick flicks”). They all contain a spirit of adventure. Desire. Potential. Promise. Chase. Speed. Men need to seek something bigger than themselves. Something to set sight on, work towards and claim. It is what men were wired to “want” and “do.” And the ‘lover’ comes in many forms. Seeking liberation, blood and conquest, they want to overcome, and often times, they want to do it alone. A hero does not share the glory and he is always recognized for his accomplishments! It isn’t to be mocked or sneered at as macho or ego-driven. When men are moved to pursue, it is because they have been moved by desire, hunger, longing, and thrill—the challenge, chase, and possible capture is what sets the stage of great interest.

We are inundated with all kinds of equally stimulating and collective things that could give an idea to the wiring and working of a woman’s desire. Consider novels, soap operas, talk and reality shows, magazines, malls, manicures and makeup. Women like beauty and passion—feeling it and creating it-period. They like the dream, the drama, and the demand required to be apart of making it unfold. Women desire to be beautiful, sexy, admired and adored. They have a need for communication and dissection. Women need support-involvement. They are rarely ones to process or fight alone. Sometimes it is for the sake of intimacy, but it is often for security, advice, and assurance. Women are drawn to romance. Relationship. Drama. Tenderness. Strength. Risk. A woman has need for her own adventures, but they are often very different from mans! The pursuer that would climb the tower, slay the dragon, dare fight for our company, and of course our beauty is always welcome! We don’t want a “savior,” but we do want someone willing to fight for us—better yet, with us. Women enjoy being swooned, romanticized and invited to be apart of the dance. We are heroines because we fight for the dreams, keep them alive, and encourage the dreams in our lovers.

Couples get bored by the loss of the excitement that comes when there no longer seems something to strive for. It is a most beautiful relationship when each is given the opportunity to play out the dance of intimacy through being one’s greatest self. When we can encourage the men and women in our lives to experience love and life authentically, we find our understanding and the ability to connect with one another strengthens. Not only does the connection strengthen, but the desire does as well! When desire is present, there is an ongoing invitation by both partners to woo the other back into the dance. That desire gives way to a most beautiful and intoxicating number. Now here’s the catch—allowing the music to last. Don’t rush it. Don’t squelch it. Don’t fight it. And don’t give up on it. The best partners didn’t become so by accident, but by practice, intention and dedication. Be open to ad–lib and freestyle. Now grab your lover; let’s dance!

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