Help Wanted: Boring Job | Wasting Time or Waiting It Out? | Definitely Wasting Time


Help Wanted: Boring Job

Dear Ask Micah,

The same problem keeps showing up for me and I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I have a small business that requires someone at all times to man my offices and phones. In a year I’ve been through four people. I hire them and they either don’t work out or they end up taking a better job and I have to start all over again. The pay isn’t bad, but it’s not a huge amount. I can’t afford to pay a whole lot. I’m a pretty good boss and it’s a pretty easy job, but maybe it’s not challenging enough because I can’t keep anyone working for me. Any ideas on how to make my workplace fun so no one wants to leave?

Ned

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Dear Ned,

I don’t know what kind of work you do but it sounds like maybe the one employee just answers the phone and does a little paperwork. An easy enough job it sounds like, so you shouldn’t have to beg for employees. I’d say you must be a hard-ass boss but it sounds like you’re never there.

If I go by my own experience as a boss, I would guess that you have been hiring too young. For a job like you’re describing, you can’t hire a young person, because they usually need more action and comradery in an office. Being all alone all the time is just depressing.

However, for what you can afford to pay I doubt that many 30- or 40-somethings would want the job because the pay isn’t enough to support their families. What you need is a person who has already worked a number of years and has retired from what they previously did. A retired person has already raised their children, paid off their homes, cars, and bills and has an income coming in from retirement checks every month. They are just looking for a supplemental income or even in some cases “fun money.” My advice is to hire an older person to do the job. You can usually bet that they will be professional and do a great job. They also already have insurance and benefits, so they won’t hit you up for that.

You could also reach out to an agency that places disabled people in jobs. It sounds like your job could easily be handled by a disabled person, depending upon the disabilities. You’d be helping a disabled person support himself and also feel accomplished in his life. Plus, it’s really hard to find jobs for people with disabilities, and so they are probably less likely to take one for granted or quit unexpectedly.

If you insist on hiring younger people, hire two so that they will have company, and just give them extra work to do. Maybe add a little personal assistant duties to their roster, and that would give each one of them some car time and errand time which could be a nice change of pace during the dull day.

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Wasting Time or Waiting It Out?

Dear Ask Micah,

My daughter sees this guy pretty seriously. I don’t really think he’s right for her although he’s not a bad guy by any means. He’s pretty good to her and pretty respectful of her family. My problem with this guy is that he’s living too much like an old frat. His house is always full of a bunch of his buddies and their girlfriends and wives. They all hang out, drink, beer and play corn hole. Nothing is wrong with that, but they do it every weekend. My daughter gets very little personal time with this guy. He’s also got this roommate that is really in the way, always having people over, and they all party all the time. My daughter is my heart and she’s starting to take off with a professional career and I really don’t see how this boyfriend is going to fit into that. He’s past 30 and a little older than her but he’s the one that still lives like it’s party time. Even though I know she wants more from life she doesn’t break it off with him. She wants a family one day and I just don’t see this guy settling down anytime soon. She keeps thinking he’s going to mature and change. I think she’s wasting her energy but I also know she loves him. I do actually like him. I just wish he’d man it up a bit. What do you think?

M

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Dear M,

I think she’s wasting something far more important than her energy. It sounds like she’s wasting her valuable youth. In five years she’s going to probably be established more securely in her “professional career,” and then she’s going to want to start settling her personal life. If your daughter wasn’t that interested in having a family, I’d say let her enjoy this guy while she can, but if her ultimate goal is to establish a career then start a family, she needs to make sure she’s always moving towards that goal and never straying sideways.

As your daughter starts to approach 3,0 that will probably be the time when she’ll be established enough in her career to want to begin her family. If she is still with this guy, and if he is still living his life like this, then she’s going to really face a problem. He may evolve with more time, but if he doesn’t, she could be looking at a situation where she’s been with him too long to dump him but isn’t going to ever get what she really wants out of him.

With that said, right now in her life, she’s too young to worry too much about it. However, she will reach a time (and it can sneak up on you) when time is of the essence if you want a family. When your daughter reaches her 30s, her dating pool is going to be very different looking than it is right now. Of the available men, many will be divorced guys with children, which will greatly reduce the chances of your daughter being the only wife her husband ever had and the mother of the only kids he ever had.

There will be men out there who never married, but those men will generally be guys who are newly free from bad relationships with the wrong woman which will leave them gun-shy about commitment too soon. There will also be guys that have remained largely available, and there’s probably a good reason for that.

In other words, if your daughter has a certain set of life goals, and among those goals are to marry and have kids, she needs to only date men that can fit into that model so that when she’s ready, everything is in place. A guy that prefers to hang out with friends all the time drinking and tossing a weird seed sack through a hole in a board is probably not that guy. Although, I personally would like to be friends with that guy because it sounds like that could be fun on occasion.

Your daughter needs to effectively communicate to her boyfriend that their current dating situation isn’t good for her. She needs to insist on some personal one-on-one time when friends are not in the picture. Your daughter is either a person this man truly loves, or she is just a female companion to stand beside him during the social gatherings with his buddies. Is she truly a part of his life, or is she just filling a space so that he isn’t the only guy at the party without a girl? His actions will decide that.

Now, she shouldn’t expect him to cut his friends off completely–that isn’t fair. Besides, it sounds like a fun group; but, she should be able to expect dinners out, alone time cuddling on a couch, and entire evenings and weekends when the friends are never around. That’s not as easy with a roommate.

The guy has got to get his own place. That’s the second action the boyfriend has to take. Your daughter needs to address that with him. She needs to explain to him that it’s time for them to see as a couple whether or not they can be compatible together in a married-esque environment. It’s time to see if he is husband material and if she is wife material for him. He needs his own place. HIS own place—not a place for your daughter to share with him. It doesn’t count as on his own if she moves in, too. I’m sure she’ll stay over here and there, and they’ll get the alone time they need to see if they are really compatible when no one else is around without her having to live there full-time.

Once she’s made these requests of him, all she can do is sit back and see what he does. This is when he’ll prove himself or not. If he doesn’t ever seem to carve out any time for her, and if he refuses to live on his own, then she’ll have her answer. She’s either the woman he wants a future with, or she’s not.

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Definitely Wasting Time

Dear Micah,

What would you think when you have a guy who never takes you out anywhere, never brings you to his family events, or lets you hang out with his friends much. I’ve been dating a guy for 3 months and it’s just not progressing yet. He says he likes to move slowly and doesn’t want to merge his personal life with his dating life yet. I feel like I’m being used. I thought about cutting the sex off until I get more of a commitment. I also thought about making some plans with his friends and surprising him and not wait on him to bring us together. How should I go about this or should I bother?

Karly

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Dear Karly,

Don’t even bother. I think this guy is just using you.   What the hell do y’all even do that defines it as “dating”? If he never takes you anywhere or introduces you to anybody, is he just cooking for you at home and pulling the shades down so no one sees you? You’re either the woman he loves or the woman he does and it sounds to me like he’s just “doing you” and otherwise wants you to leave him alone. You deserve better than just being tucked away out of sight. I’d just walk away.

 

 

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