Holiday Hopeful

Relationships are about more than a date to the party.

by Paget Pizitz


Happy New Year, my friends. I hope you live it up this year like it’s still the roaring ’0s. If you need suggestions for a resolution, I have an oldie but a goodie: Exercise, lose weight, and drink less. When those resolutions fail for you, call me. We can go out for a good wined-down Wednesday and some steaks. Now, moving forward.

Recently a few people asked why I stopped writing about Louis the cat. My answer is because I feared the day that people would ask me why I no longer write about my cat. I dreaded the day the sweet older lady would corner me at the grocery, show me a photo of her cats, Nicky and Ricky, and inquire about Louis’s health. My friend, who makes sweaters for our friends’ children, has already begun knitting mittens and a onesie for Louis this holiday season, so I really think the damage has already been done. However, to satisfy those who have permanently coined me “crazy cat lady,” here’s the latest yarn involving Louis Pizitz. He’s been diagnosed with what a local veterinary professional calls “mega colon.” I’m not one for bathroom humor, and I’m pretty weak in the knees when it comes to all things colon-related, so let’s just say it’s not good. In fact, let’s assume it’s pretty much worst-case scenario. It causes sweat to gather at my brow when I open the door after being gone for more than 10 hours at a time. When I hear his footsteps creeping through my house in the wee hours of the morning, it fills me with terror and fear. It’s not a good situation.

I’ve stopped asking my neighbors to check in on him when I go away for the weekend. That’s not something you do to someone, not even your worst enemy. Every morning, when I’m measuring out his 25 morsels of “colon blow,” I look at him and think, “You and your mega colon really won the feline lottery when I adopted you.” I can no longer look at him and say, “I love you, asshole.”

Even though I have been out of the matchmaking gig for a few years now, I still love talking about the fascinating world that is human relationships. It’s always interesting and somewhat depressing to me that I get so many calls right around the holiday season asking if I still have a dating service. I got a text the other day that said, “Paget, I am single and I don’t want to be the only person alone at the parties this year. Please help me.” It sounded so desperate and lost.

Do the holidays really make some people feel so empty? It saddens me to think they do. On another note, I also know a few people who have gotten back together with ex-partners, who were a terrible match, simply because they didn’t want to go at the holiday season alone. A friend of mine openly admitted to rekindling a romance with her ex because she didn’t want to experience those feelings of emptiness over the holidays.

To this I say, “Girl. I know it’s hard. No one wants to be the solo person at the shrimp cocktail buffet with no one to hold your plate of discarded tails.” It’s always better to have someone to share experiences with, especially during the holidays, when those feelings of being alone seem to be heightened. However, this isn’t a reason to jump back into a bad relationship. Recognize that a relationship is far more enjoyable when you’re with someone who enriches your life, not simply reflects it. And if you aren’t coupled up, take comfort in the other relationships in your life. I’m willing to bet you have a circle of friends who can provide you with a similar level of love, compassion, and fulfillment. You just have to look for it and sometimes ask for that support. However, if you find yourself in need of a date to your office holiday party, Louis is available. He is more than happy to hold your plate of shrimp tails. I also suggest that he comes home with you, for at least 10–12 hours.

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