It’s a Dirty Job | Diet Woes | Deserted

It’s a Dirty Job

Dear Micah,

How do I get out of telling people what I do for a living? I have a job that I don’t really want to tell anyone about. Bad part is that every time you meet someone they ask “What do you do?” What’s a good way out of that?



Dear Brad,

Well, hell, what do you do? Are you a drug dealer? A porn star? Do you make sexy lingerie for children? What do you do that’s so terrible? I have no definitive answer for you as to how to skirt around that topic of conversation. Everyone is going to ask that because you are a stranger, and the point of chatting with a stranger is to remove the unknown factors between you and learn something about each other.

Your job is just naturally going to come up. I’d just tell people what I do. I have a friend who does medical testing on rats. That is a touchy subject in social situations for some people and just saying, “I work in a lab” doesn’t cut it. People always ask for more information than that. So she finds herself apologizing for her job to people she doesn’t know before she even tells them what she does for a living. If you do something that is unsavory to people, yet it is a necessary job that somebody has to do, own it and be proud of it. After all, you aren’t riding the system on the backs of taxpayers, you are earning your money in a legitimate way, so don’t be ashamed. Any job that is legal and supports you and/or your family is a job you can be proud of.

Now, maybe it’s not an enviable job. Not too many people envy chicken pluckers or busboys at a TGIFridays, but it’s better than being unemployed. Embrace what you do or don’t do it anymore.


Diet Woes

Dear Micah,

I hate dieting. I can never stick to it and I enjoy food too much to be one of those “just a chicken salad” girls. My husband and I started a diet and to my chagrin he is having no trouble sticking to it. I slip up and cheat on this thing pretty often and he always knows it and doesn’t let it go.



Dear Lori,

It’s always funny when people write me with a question, but all they really did is make a statement. You didn’t ask me anything—but that’s okay. I’m a southern loudmouth who always has an opinion, so I’ll just run with your subject matter. I think diets are a waste of time. I say that meaning that it’s a waste of time for me. If others out there have success then more power to you, but dieting and Micah do not mix.

I am pretty good at portion control. I will eat anything I want but just trick myself with it. For example, let’s say I want a sausage and biscuit from a drive-through for breakfast. I will eat the top of the biscuit first, usually taking about five bites to finish it. Then I will eat the sausage patty the same way. Then I’ll eat the bottom of the biscuit if I am still hungry. Sometimes I don’t eat the bottom at all. But instead of ordering two biscuits, or eating all of one, I separate the layers and in essence have created three different items to eat. I could have eaten the whole biscuit in five big bites, but by dividing the layers, I can get 10 or 15 bites from that one biscuit. When I eat food slower and in smaller bites, it lasts longer, and sometimes I’m full before it’s finished.

Same thing for when I cook. I can take a boneless chicken breast, steak, or pork chop and butterfly it. Then if I cut it in half to cook, my mouth and mind are tricked because it looks like a whole piece and it takes just as many bites to eat as a whole piece would. I have halved my portions without feeling like I have. Also, if I eat on dessert plates instead of regular sized plates, my plate looks fuller with food, yet I’m eating smaller portions of my meat and sides.




My girlfriend’s lifelong friend moved away due to work, and my girlfriend went with her for a little while. The original purpose in this was so that the friend wouldn’t be so alone while she adjusted to new surroundings. It’s been about a month now, and my girlfriend is out of vacation and sick time at work. It’s time for her to come home. She says she’s coming in another week, but I heard rumblings from friends that she’s trying to find a job there so that she can stay. I confronted her on this and she denies it. She says she plans to come home but admitted that if she were to be offered something, she would consider it and then I could move there if I wanted. I take this as a desertion of our relationship. She doesn’t see it that way. What’s your thought?



Dear Daniel,

At the risk of sounding realistic, I think you are being played for a chump. Clearly, and let me repeat, CLEARLY, you are not a priority in your girlfriend’s life. A person expects to come first with the one they love, but she is proving that you don’t. She was perfectly willing to leave you for at least a month to go off with a friend on a supposedly extended vacation while her friend got settled. Let me repeat that too, “got settled.” A grown woman with a job moved to a new town to start a new life, but she had to have your girlfriend come with her to keep her company while she got settled. Even kids settling into college away from home do that by themselves.

I personally think this was a bit ridiculous, especially if she had a committed relationship at home. It’d be different if her friend was ill and she spent a month helping her recover, but to use up all her sick time and vacation time in the year to help a friend get settled—who does that? I’m afraid, my friend, she’s been lying to you. Either that, or this friendship with her girlfriend is bordering on something deeper than friendship.

It appears that she has been auditioning this new city to see if she wants to move there herself, and she has obviously decided she does if she made a statement like, “If I were to be offered something I’d consider staying and you can move here too if you want.” That is code for “I am trying to find a job here so I can move, but just in case I don’t, I am pretending you and I are still together in case I need you.”

If she finds a job and stays, she knows you probably wouldn’t move yourself. When that happens, she can claim the breakup would be your decision because you refused to follow her. If you did move out there, it’d only be a matter of time before she dumped you and began her new life with the new people of that new city, and you’d have chunked everything for her. By keeping you on the line, she is expecting that she can return home to you after “helping her friend settle in” and resume life as usual if she doesn’t find a job there. You, Daniel, are being played for a sucker. Ditch the bitch and start trying to find someone who will put you first in their life. You don’t have to come in second to a friend, or a town, or a job or a whim.


Leave a Reply