It’s Easy Being Green

kim-kBeyond the looking glass.

By J’Mel Davidson

Photo: DFree /


Just today I read that Paris Hilton made $3 million in three days with her version of DJing, Kim Kardashian is releasing a coffee table book of selfies, and Sarah Palin charges $100 annually for her online channel. I can say with complete assurance that all of these women are morons. And I mean that not in the common, popular sense, but in the psychological sense.

Time and time again these women have let us into their private lives and proved to us that they absolutely nothing to offer humanity outside of the cautionary view of the effects of eating lead-based paint chips. As the man once said, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure: There are people who are entertained by these three lady musketeers of ignorance. There are people who admire them without an ounce of irony. At the end of the day, I’m completely unashamed to say that I’m jealous of their exposure and notoriety and ability to be approved for loans and credit lines. Not because of the money, even though I’ve been lead to believe that money is very nice to have, but because they constantly have society’s attention and never do anything of substance with it.

I wasn’t born into a world of name brands, affluence, or politics. According to the Orwellian Idiocracy we all currently inhabit, I am significantly less than them, and so are you, because we don’t have millions of likes and followers. Because here, beyond the looking glass, the less you have to say or offer society equals more people paying attention. I wrote a little book called We Make Our Dreams Come True, and I’m really proud of the 17 I’ve managed to sell on Amazon. I’m sure the preorders for Kim’s quote book unquote of selfies has already outsold me by 500,000 copies. But this month’s article isn’t about shameless self promotion or jealousy over the meek inheriting the earth after idiots have sucked it dry. It’s about learning to base your self worth on things that matter.

What matters to you may not be what matters to me. What does not matter to me are Facebook likes, Twitter followers, Kickstarter success, and barely legal girlfriends. Because Charlie, if I judged myself on these standards, I’d be one depressed negro. But some people are successful in these seemingly arbitrary areas of life, so they hang onto them as examples of a life fulfilled.

Here’s what I have: A cool job at a glossy magazine, a best friend who shares a psychic connection with me, both my legs, and the David Lynch Lime Green Box Set.

I may never have one million likes, but I’m happy that the likes I do have are probably based on things that matter and not irony or envy. At least I think that they aren’t.

Because if you envy me, you got issues, Mabel.

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