Mr. Reliable How many dates should a dater break?


unnamedDear Ask Micah,

I am dating a guy that appears to have serious issues keeping dates. I’ll share a few examples. One time he was supposed to be taking me out to dinner on a Friday night. We’d had the date a week planned. Then that afternoon he called me to tell me that he had a friend coming in from out of town he had to entertain. He’d found that out that Thursday but didn’t bother to tell me until that Friday afternoon. I let that one slide. The next time he did something like this we had made a date to go to the lake for a Sunday. On our date that Saturday night he informed me that Sunday was out as his Mom was having a family dinner he had to go to. Why I couldn’t join him at that dinner I didn’t know because we’d been dating several weeks at that point. But maybe he just wasn’t ready to introduce me to the family yet. So I let that one slide also. Then the other day he and I had plans to go see the Star Wars movie. I wasn’t terribly eager to see it as I am not a huge fan, but it was a date we’d planned. Then a couple of his buddies said they wanted to see it so he ditched me to go with them, saying that he knew I didn’t want to see it anyway.  He was right, partly, but wasn’t it still rude? I am wondering if I am with a compulsive date breaker, but maybe I’m overreacting. I was wondering what you thought on the matter.

Jean

Dear Jean,

It’s kind of hard to say really. If you’d only been dating him a short while I’d say yes, he appears to be quite the routine date-breaker, but you mentioned the lake, which puts me in mind of summer, and it sounds like you’ve been dating this guy for several months. In a course of months I don’t think three date breaks is that bad. Maybe there have been more that you aren’t listing, but if it’s only been those three, then I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

He does seem a little thoughtless. He waited till the afternoon of your Friday date to inform you of his need to cancel when he knew that information the day before. Maybe he really didn’t want you to have more time to make alternative plans. If that’s the case, then that’s actually not that bad a notion. It means he likes you well enough to hope you’d stay home if you couldn’t be with him. 

Regarding the family event, that’s kind of understandable. You may not want to take a girlfriend you’re not totally serious about yet home to the family. I don’t know if you guys had an actual commitment then or not, but even if you did I can still see the argument that a few weeks of dating isn’t sufficient to warrant invite to family functions. 

As for Star Wars…that was kind of rude. I do understand his wanting to see it with his friends who are also fans, but he should have kept his date with you and made plans another night to see the movie with them. 

I don’t think he’s necessarily a serial date breaker, he’s just a little thoughtless. Give the guy a few more shots. If he does it again then bust him on it.

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