Questions of the Heart


Jeez, that sounds dramatic.

By Paget Pizitz

Well, Happy Valentine’s Day. I hope you are all so in love that you fall down on Cupid’s arrow and it splits open your pancreas and you spend February 14th in the emergency room eating cafeteria food hoping you don’t bleed out before you get your dozen roses and gift certificate to Victoria’s Secret. For those of you not so lucky in love this year, I hope you get some good hits on your sugardaddyforme.com profile. I see a bright love life in your future. This Valentine’s Day I got Louis the cat some Godiva laced with arsenic. He and I have had a good run but enough is enough. In hindsight, I should have just adopted some guinea pigs. Sure, they could have scurvy but it would have been easier than Nosferatu who bites my ear every night around two a.m., on the dot.

This month, I asked people to hit me with their most challenging love and relationship questions. I got a slew of good ones but because I don’t think Robin wants my column to turn into a novella, I will only answer a few. Unfortunately, she wouldn’t let me touch the one about cheating and a toilet seat (call me, I will tell you the whole story) so I am just going to pick a few and see what I can do.

Paget,

 

What is the draw to the 25 and younger girl for the 35 and older male? As a confident, attractive 30-plus female, other than youth, I am not sure what the draw is for men. I feel like what I can offer now is vastly more than what I could at 25. Security, stability, knowledge, a willingness to learn. Yet they have the appeal and draw? Please advise,

 

Anonymous (Aging) Andy

Andy,

Maybe this isn’t the best inquiry to answer first because I just don’t know. Maybe I am not one to answer this question because personally, I like an older man. If you’re 40 plus and have a host of emotional baggage, I’m single and I’m your perfect woman. You say you’re on anti-psychotics? Call me; let’s go out for some tapas. Honestly, the draw for many men to the younger woman is the easiness and lack of complications. The draw for the woman is typically the stability, perhaps the comfort of a father–like figure. Since the dawn of time, women across the world have been pondering this very question. Sadly, I have no good answers for you so I consulted some of my favorite relationship experts in New York and found some interesting material. Why are older men attracted to the seemingly uncomplicated mystique of the younger woman? Perhaps it could be the rejuvenation mystery. The rejuvenation mystery is about recapturing lost youth, exuberance, energy and passion. In Roman times and probably earlier, there was a belief that if an older person slept next to an infant, that person would somehow absorb youthful energies and rejuvenate. So if your guy dumped you for a toddler, I’m truly sorry. You’re most likely better off and he may be getting a call from the Special Victims Unit.

Paget,

 

My co-worker is marrying a guy who she has never lived in the same city with while dating. The longest time they have spent together is three weeks. They used to live in the same city, but it was 10 years ago and they weren’t dating, just friends. We can’t decide if they are going to make it.

Nope, no chance. However, I do think Groupon ran a special recently for half priced divorces. I am pretty sure it’s still up on their site. As an added bonus, I think it comes with a free pedicure so it’s really a win-win for both parties. Jokes aside, I can say this may not be the best case scenario for your friend. Long distance relationships can be problematic for many reasons, one of which being “The Down Time Crisis Theory.” This thinking lends credence to the idea that relationships gather strength during down time. It’s hard to have that down time when there is so much build up for the next time you will see your partner. Why worry about everyday life hassles when you just want to enjoy the fleeting moments of a short weekend. I’ve been in many a long distance relationship and all I have to show for it is a platinum preferred status on US Air and a Rainman–like knowledge of every airport bar in the Southeast. But don’t let my negative Nancy pants ruin your friend’s wedding. I hope I am invited and I hope they have really good mini crab cakes.

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