Rainbow Baby


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Photo and interview by: Angela Karen

Name: Shae Hicks Register

Age: 33

Pregnancy After a Loss: Rainbow Babies

So many people know your story and have been following you, so it is my pleasure to celebrate an update for everyone to see that you are almost ready to have a baby. For those who don’t know, please share your journey with us. This is our fifth pregnancy in two years. We lost a sweet baby boy—Rosario Howard Register—at 23 weeks into the pregnancy in April 2015 from rare congenital abnormalities. We also lost another baby at 13 weeks in September 2015 and two others in early miscarriages around 6 weeks in May and July of 2016.

What was this pregnancy like for you and Reg? Amazingly this pregnancy was very positive. The first few months we had a little anxiety but we tried to take each day at a time. Being present and grateful for each day was very important, and I think that we were able to feel that way throughout the pregnancy.

Are you having a boy or a girl? A GIRL!

Do you have a name for baby Register? Radda Rose Register. Radda is for the Italian town where we were married. Rose is after her brother—Rosario—that we lost two years ago.

Being pregnant after suffering from a loss you’re probably feeling conflicting feelings but also happiness that a baby is on the way. What advice would you give to women who have experienced something similar to you? You are not alone! There are so many women who have gone through this. It’s okay to feel the loss of your child and it’s ok to talk about it. It’s not a pain that you can rush through or ignore—you will never forgot your child and you shouldn’t have to. An unexpected blessing of pregnancy after loss is that when people would ask me if this was our first child—I would fight back tears and explain to them that no, it wasn’t and then share our story. So many women opened up to me about their own story of miscarriage or stillbirth—it was really beautiful to connect to others about it.

Moms who have suffered a loss are often overwhelmed with worry even when they get the good news of a positive pregnancy test. At what point after you passed the “safe point” in your pregnancy were you able to relax and be joyful of your time being pregnant? Honestly we never felt like we had a safe point since we have lost babies at different times during pregnancy… but again, we just took one day at a time and we celebrated each milestone like our normal anatomy ultrasounds or when she first kicked or got the hiccups! We focused on what miracle was happening that day with her and we celebrated that.

How long did it take you to try for another baby? We were always trying! We became pregnant with this baby three weeks after a miscarriage.

So here we are, you didn’t give up, and your persistence paid off. What would you say

helped you throughout the roughest part of your storm? I had to accept that my journey wasn’t going to be that perfect vision that you see in a movie. My journey was heart breaking and sad at times, but it was mine and it was going to make me a better person and mother in the end. I had to accept that I had no control and trying to act like I did helped no one and only stressed me out. That acceptance in itself was very liberating! I literally had to give up and believe that something greater than me had a plan and perfect timing.

What was your hardest part of being pregnant? Not letting the negative thoughts of past losses play over in my mind. Keeping a positive outlook no matter what we had experienced was so important to stay sane during the pregnancy. It was a constant battle.

What was the most joyful moment of this pregnancy? It hasn’t happened yet! Holding her in our arms will be the most joyful moment for us!

What were your first thoughts when finding out? I just laughed! God’s timing and plan is so surprising sometimes! I knew that our baby would come when we were least expecting it!

Would you say Radda is the gold at the end of the rainbow for you? Yes. most definitely! But I am so thankful for all our babies—they all taught us something about love and faith. They changed us forever and I’m grateful for that.

Would you tell moms experiencing a loss of hope to keep looking up, because there may be a rainbow waiting for them as well? Of course! You can never lose hope. Hope is all we have in life. Sometimes science and medicine can’t explain why things do or don’t happen. You have to keep going and keep believing that your miracle is around the corner.

Words you live by… “The most terrible and beautiful and interesting things happen in life. Whatever happens to you belongs to you. Make it yours. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Let it nurture you because it will.” —Cheryl Strayed

People who know you best say you are… a hopeless optimist and a loving mother.

Current Craving: Cadbury chocolate mini eggs!

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