Mumford & Sons sings a song entitled “Roll Away Your Stone.” It is a catchy tune, but that is not what grabbed my attention.
The lyrics say, “Roll away your stone; I’ll roll away mine.” Would you stop just a minute and re-read those words? In nearly every relationship you and I have had in our life that has gone crossways, it has taken two people to make a mess of it. Conversely, it takes two people to re-establish a relationship.
Let’s look at some characteristics of the stone. Not only does the stone keep people out, but it also traps its owner within.
In an effort to keep people out and not be hurt again, have you made yourself a prisoner within your own stone walls?
Before we go any further, let me confess that I am still working on actually living out the lyrics of this song. Perhaps you too have been stabbed in the heart several times by various people. Some might even be very close to you. It makes it even harder when you have been stabbed several times by the same family member or close friend.
At that point, the stone we have protecting us is too heavy to move by ourselves. Sometimes we may need help from a spouse, a parent, a close friend, or the ultimate stone remover, God himself.
I have been told my whole life that the more mature and strong person is the one who apologizes first. Perhaps you have faced your “stone builder” and apologized only to see little or no change in them. This is SO frustrating, isn’t it? But the issue is not just apologizing—it is asking forgiveness and changing the attitude, actions, intent, etc.that caused the hurt, separation, or distance in the first place.
It is really easy to use the excuse, “Oh, they will never change!” We sometimes make this statement so that we will not be forced to change ourselves. Perhaps you are like me and you have repeatedly asked God to change the person that you are crossways with. But I would like to offer you an alternative: Ask God to change YOU.
You may have heard the saying, “Perspective is reality.” But, perhaps the perspective could change if we were to choose not to look through a microscope at other people to identify all that is wrong with them. But instead, look in the mirror and realize that maybe we could be the catalyst of change first.
Another way to put this might be taking the log out of our own eye before we try to remove the speck in someone else’s. Sound familiar? (As a disclaimer this article and its contents are self-examining, and something that I am working on daily in my life, too.)
Maybe, just maybe, there are things you and I can work on in our own personal lives that would expedite the beginning of the process of healing in our dysfunctional relationships. Lord knows I have many things I need to work on within my own heart, mind, spirit, and soul.
Would you right now stop and ask yourself this question, “Do I want to be the catalyst for change in this relationship, or do I want to be part of continuing the chasm between me and this other person?”
My dad and I had a good relationship, but it could have been better. He grew up in many ways like the children who call Big Oak Ranch home. In his childhood, he faced mental and emotional abuse that was beyond his control. It molded him into the man
When I came to the realization that my dad was simply an adult version of a dysfunctional child, it made me see him completely different. He and I sat down one day and got everything worked out, and we finished strong.
The change that has to happen is kind of like the sea captains turning those huge cruise ships 180 degrees. It takes time to get the ship to go in the right direction, but the good news is that with every moment progress is being made because you are headed in the right direction.
Just remember—the only time it is too late to change a relationship is when one of you is no longer here! Don’t wait until it is too late.
I have some stones that need to be rolled away. Perhaps you do, too. I don’t want to be a prisoner anymore. I am responsible for the stones in my life. I can’t control what other people do—but I want to do right and be better, don’t you? Join me!