You, Like Sheen, Are WINNING!


When situations don’t work out in the dating world, sometimes they’re

not really “losses”

By Samantha “Sam” Foster

Over the course of the past seven years—since the “Great BreakUp,” as I like to refer to it—I’ve dated my fair share of men. Some have lasted for no more than a day, a week, a month or a few months; however, some have turned into actual relationships spanning as long as a year (even when they shouldn’t have.)

Given that I am writing a singles column, you are already aware that none of those countless attempts at finding my next big romance have exactly worked out. And yes, some of those seemingly “failed” attempts have stung like fire-ant bites on your ankles in July.

That being said, however, I present this way to look at such “failures,” fellow singles: When things don’t necessarily end the way you’d like, perhaps, in the grand scheme of things, you are actually winning. Yes, I said “WINNING!” True, Charlie Sheen, “tiger’s blood,” “troll-hating,” “torpedo of truth” WINNING.

I am not just saying this to pump you full of hokey B.S. clichés like “if it wasn’t meant to be” or “everything happens for a reason.” I’ve heard those more times than I’ve heard “bless you” after sneezing and, frankly, I am starting to get a little numb to their effectiveness. Based on my personal experience, it seems the disappointments many of us encounter actually save us from outcomes that would be far worse later had we actually gotten what we wanted.

I cannot tell you how much I’ve hated getting my ego kicked by fellows over the years. I’d see the same pattern. I’d genuinely be into a guy and, in return, he’s seem to be into me. However, many times, his feelings would taper off, and I would be left feeling like an unwanted, confused discard.

I saw this happen to friends, over and over, and we would meet for happy hours or late nights to drink copious amounts and discuss the “why did he?” the “why me?” and the “why can’t I just get what I want for once?” I felt like my single friends and I were just banging our heads against the same brick wall, feeling disappointed and, at times, a little frustrated that we just couldn’t have someone go right, just once!

It has taken a little time for me and my fellow disappointed friends to realize that we dodged relationship bullets. Either,
a) After some time we see those same people we longed for in unflattering predicaments, or not as the guys we once thought hung the moon. Instead they are guys with prescription pain pill addictions. With restraining orders against them. With the labels of “man whore,” “player” or (my favorite) “a joke.” With baby mommas we didn’t know about. With shadowy pasts unknown to us at the time. Or,
B) The guys went on to find happiness with another person. How is this dodging a bullet?

Here’s my own “torpedo of truth”: I really believe that if we are good people, and not bat-shit crazy with the opposite sex, we are all meant to find a good thing. But when the good things you want at certain times choose to leave your life, don’t think you’re losing. Remember, for some reason he wasn’t the best for you. And that’s what you should want, right? THE BEST for you personally.

In times of seeming disappointment, go buy a new outfit, call up your friends, buy some crappy champagne and toast to “WINNING!”—because when people leave our lives by choice, we win. Something better is coming. Celebrate (or maybe go on a multi-city truth tour.) After all, everything happens for a reason, right?
It seems in the end, your Sam does truly buy into the cliché.

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