Tacky Christmas Sweater


It’s been two years and it is still in the closet.

By Heidi Elnora

Everyone has at least one of these in his or her closet. Maybe yours is a hand-me down purchased from the thrift store or a thoughtful gift from your Grandmother, whatever the case may be, you are the proud owner of a tacky sweater.

My personal tacky Christmas sweater has fuzzy kittens playing with different brightly colored pieces of yarn. The yarn cascades down the front of the chest where they end in oversized buttons. It was a Christmas gift from a much older family member.

When I opened it, I thought WOW; you think this looks like me. (I’m so rude, but so honest. No one is ever to buy me clothes. It’s a weird rule that I have. Don’t waste your money because I probably won’t like it and will have to return or donate it. A nice pair of socks will do just fine. I sound like such a jerk but it’s like me purchasing a schoolteacher her school supplies and developing her class schedule. It’s just not what I am good at.)

None the less, my tacky Christmas sweater was not returned but instead folded nicely beside my other sweaters. I guess I felt too guilty to donate it to Goodwill so quickly. This particular sweater was going to be my great tacky Christmas sweater.

If I only had a party to wear to. It’s been two years and I still haven’t been to a party. It just lives in my closet, taking up space alongside my husband’s tacky Christmas sweater.

Now, Jeff Baker (my husband) purchased his sweater by choice. He was invited to a tacky Christmas sweater party (he’s more popular than I) and thought that a super tight-fitting sweater with embroidered golfers on the chest was a good look for him. It comes complete with metallic gold threading and fringe. A red turtleneck accompanied the outfit along with corduroy pants. He looked impeccable.

As y’all know when I write these articles I think about why in the world a conversation about a tacky Christmas sweater is important. I guess it is because it has been a full two years and I keep this thing that I do not want or need. Why do we keep such random things? My excuse is that you never know when you might need it or perhaps even get invited to a tacky Christmas party.

I just like to always be prepared no matter what the occasion may be. It’s not like a tacky Christmas sweater ever really goes out of style or half of the clothes in my closet for that matter. Everything seems to recycle itself.

I still see women wearing tacky Christmas sweaters when they go out shopping for even more tacky Christmas sweaters. They say it makes you “festive” to dress like a ma-maw.

Do you have clothes that you just hang on to for the sake of hanging on to them? As 2012 comes to an end and 2013 begins, I have decided it is time to donate the old, and start afresh. Who doesn’t want more space in their closet? Who doesn’t feel good about donating things? Who doesn’t feel even better when you they buy something new? As for those of you who love the tacky Christmas sweater, ROCK ON! I personally enjoy watching you wear it. Holiday Cheer All Around!

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