The Year of the Better You


J'Mel Pop QuizQuit doing stupid stuff.

By J’Mel Davidson

 

“Happy New Year,” he typed sarcastically.

I don’t know about you folks, but 2013 was a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] of a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] year for me. But, I’m determined to make this year a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] ton better. How can I do this? With resolutions?

No. Resolutions are goofy, and if you made any, kindly do us all a favor and break them like you’re going to do anyway. It’s not that I don’t believe in you…it’s just that I don’t believe in you. Not personally, just as a member of the human race.

Instead, do small things that will actually bloom into large triumphs of the human spirit. Examples? Sure, that’s why I’m here! Since I’m the Popular Culture Daddy of B-Metro (your words, not mine), I’ll keep this in my wheelhouse. Let’s talk about ways you can have a better year pop culturally!

Stop with the Big Bang Theory and Tyler Perry. If you consider yourself a fan of either, please listen to reason. If, somehow, you are a fan of both, you are the center of the Venn diagram created when two of Dante’s concentric circles of hell happen to overlap. This is a bad thing. These two excuses for “entertainment” do have a great deal of similarities. They are both minstrel shows that pretend to uplift their subjects while all the while talking down to them. They both portray their subjects in the worst and most stereotypical light, but somehow seem to make fans of the subjects they are spoofing.

Both challenge you to actually enjoy the material by delivering it with some of the most grating characters this side of Univision. Neither offers a hint of satire or intelligent parody. Neither is funny. My point? Stop making dumb things popular.

Stop watching “real” housewives. Stop reading YA books, then dressing up like the characters in public. Stop typing like some sort of half-wit computer program, and stop speaking like a half wit! Saying “OMG” or “lol” isn’t clever. It’s slow. Stop. Just stop.

Please, for the love of God, stop liking posts and posting memes and misspelling simple words and ignoring the simplest rules of English language. Stop making the baby Jesus cry.

“Well, high and mighty J’Mel, what can we do to make our lives better?!”

I don’t know. I’m a mess. Read a book. Not a children’s fantasy. Not a book with a vampire. A book where a Russian protagonist has to murder his family or something. Watch Nova. Type entire words. You have time. What else are you doing?

Think of the children.

Smile.

Have a good year.

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