The Weasel

shutterstock_267653507Gifts from Pauly Shore.

By J’Mel Davidson

Recently, a lady asked me what it was exactly that I wrote for the B-Metro. I told her that I wrote popular culture musings that were thinly veiled tirades about the state of modern American politics and the media circus. I also mentioned that I wrote about Pauly Shore. I always feel it’s very important that I keep my word, so here now is an overview of the filmwork of Pauly Shore done in no particular order and completely from memory.

First, there is Son In Law. This film was clearly created as a fish-out-of-water vehicle for The Weasel to show contrast between modern youth and middle America. If I’m not mistaken, Pauly marries an attractive young woman after a very short courtship and then is whisked away to the farm to meet the young woman’s family. The family, of course, being an incredibly traditional conservative white bread clan, assumes that Pauly is the devil and not at all good for their sweet daughter. If memory serves, Pauly crashes a tractor, milks a cow hilariously, and isn’t familiar with most common vegetables. Also, his style of dress is probably frowned upon by the locals. But I’m sure that by the end everyone comes around to the Weasel’s outrageous yet positive way of doing things! Is Andy Dick in this movie? No, I don’t think so. This was Pauly’s introduction to the world, and it was the 90s, so there was only room for one flamboyant “comedian” this time around.

In The Army Now is what I assume is the second film in Pauly Shore’s domination of the 1990s box office. I assume that Pauly is either drafted or enlists by mistake and is thrust into a world of slightly topical PG-13 military shenanigans.

I’m sure we can all agree that Pauly Shore is not United States Army material! There’s no WAY they’d be able to tame him and have him take orders. Perhaps that’s the point, though. Tossing Pauly into blatantly unPauly-like situations. The possibilities are endless! Is Andy Dick in this movie? I believe that Andy Dick is in this movie, though I’m not sure whether he’s an antagonist to the Weasel or not….

Jury Duty is the third film in the much-studied Shore Trilogy. Going into this film, one thing is for certain—Pauly will respond hilariously to the direction, “order in the court!” Well, you’re wrong! The Weasel is better than that old chestnut. What we do get, though, is a comedy about Pauly trying to extend the amount of time he’s sequestered as long as possible and inadvertently saving an innocent man from going to prison. Also, this film had to have scenes reshot so that jokes about O.J. Simpson could be added. Example “Judge Ito, eat a burrito!” HA! Is Andy Dick in this movie? I honestly cannot recall—but he should be.

The fourth film in the Shore Trilogy is of course Bio-Dome. In it, The Weasel and Stephen Baldwin (the Baldwinest Baldwin) sneak into a bio-dome and crash the important experiments being performed by the scientists there. Soon, through general coolness, they win the hearts of most of the scientists as well as thousands of fans that have been following their shenanigans on the outside. Then, they all dance to Men Without Hats. Is Andy Dick int his movie? No, no he isn’t—I don’t think. But I believe this film has a very early Tenacious D cameo! That’s the equivalent of four Andy Dicks!

And finally, the fifth film in the Shore Trilogy, Encino Man. Pauly plays a character named Squirrelly Nug who, along with a friend, digs up and reanimates a frozen cave man. They quickly teach the caveman (Brendon Fraser) how to talk like Pauly. And they go to Six Flags. I believe they’re still in high school, even though Pauly is clearly 36 at this point. But the magic of Shore’s comedy cancels out any necessity for believability or age appropriateness.

Just stop thinking and enjoy the gifts The Weasel has given you!

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