Uncompromised


Russian Dwarf Hampster

By Paget Pizitz

I usually start my column by mentioning something about the month or Louis the cat. It’s 34 degrees as I sit down to write, so I can’t say I am particularly excited about April, a month where science confounds children everywhere as bunnies produce pastel-colored eggs.  And unless you want to hear about how Louis bit his toenail with such aggression that it flew up and scratched his cornea, then he did nothing of note this month either.

So here we go, straight into advice with very little time for satire. If you are in a relationship and wake up in the morning knowing you have settled or that in a few years time, you’ll feel like your life has passed you by because you were afraid to be alone, keep trudging ahead. It is better to be with someone who only partially satisfies you than be solo in Birmingham, a city known to be challenging for single professionals on the dating scene. It is perfectly natural to enter into a relationship with a less than desirable mate to escape the fear of buying a cookbook with recipes for one or enduring stories from your friend’s grandmother about the woman she knew who never married, or cut her hair.

If you have not fallen in love with your soul mate and not started working on a family yet, more than likely it is too late and I feel sorry for you. Just find someone as quickly as possible. Try to focus on the temporary happiness it will bring you and don’t concentrate too much on the life of disappointment and longing you have created for yourself. I forgot something else that this month has to offer, April Fools. So in my few remaining sentences to gain back some of  your respect, let me drop this on you.

Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum states that settling is accepting a relationship where the five dimensions of chemistry are missing. Some of these include the usual suspects such as trust, physical attraction, and mutual respect. These are known by relationship professionals everywhere as ‘oldies but goodies.’ I always tell my clients to periodically reevaluate and rethink their must–haves when selecting a mate, but there is a point where compromise and understanding turns into settling. Don’t turn a blind eye to problems you know will only get worse in time. I promise you aren’t going to end up alone, unmarried, and breeding Russian Dwarf Hamsters. Hold out for something fulfilling, and send me a gift when you find it. I don’t care what you send because it is the thought that counts

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