What are You Settling For?


Getting a few things off my chest, or maybe “out of my system.”

By Paget Pizitz

*NOT LOUIS THE CAT* but I feel that this embodies what might be louis' current mental state and also this is a great example of a creature with some stuff in his system who is not afraid to just get it on out (really i just love lolcats and saw an opportunity)

Would it be okay if I didn’t write a traditional column this month? I’m not quite feeling myself. Something must be in the air. Seems everyone is a little out of sorts lately. Sweet and docile Louis the Cat has turned into a mountain puma, and while attacks on humans are rare, the chances in this particular household are increasing with each passing moment. A few days ago, I came home and he had taken apart his litter igloo and destroyed my bathroom cabinets with his claws. He must have ordered some Keratin online, because his right front paw is starting to look like Freddy Krueger’s razor hand. If you see me around town with stitches and wrapped in bandages, don’t give Carter a snarky glare and make domestic-abuse accusations. Just call animal control and report a vicious and dangerous puma loose in English Village.

I think this month, in lieu of writing about spring cleaning your love life, I’m just going to rant about a few things that have been on my mind. A woman who doesn’t know me well at all recently told me that if I wanted children, I’d better start now and be sure to marry first. This got me thinking about a phrase I have heard for as long as I can remember. “Oh, she just needs to get it out of her system.” Anytime I would do something “wild and crazy,” someone’s grandmother would raise a penciled eye brow at me and say, “Well, Paget, you just need to get it out of your system. You’ll settle down eventually.” “Get what out of my system?” I would always ask, and what exactly am I settling for?

I never felt it was my place to address this condescension head on, but I do now. I don’t have anything to get out of my system except some red wine, processed foods and a heaping portion of Easter candy. If you have ever felt the pressure to do what it seems everyone else is doing, I’m here to advise that you aren’t alone. I used to feel the same way until it hit me that not everyone walks the same line. You have to do what is best for you. Getting married at 24 and having 2.5 blond chicklets wasn’t my scene, and maybe it isn’t yours either. You only have one life to live, so make sure it’s your own. There are a few things I find really sexy: men who can confidently have hamsters as pets, anyone who can Russian folk dance and strong, sassy, independent women. Don’t make excuses or second guess yourself, because if you don’t, no one else will.

Given the page constraints from my B-Metro pals, the second rant is going to be short and to the point, something I haven’t yet mastered. If you find yourself dating someone so fresh out of a divorce that the ink hasn’t had time to dry yet, you may want to rethink. Coming out of a relationship can be a miserable time, and as my grandmother used to say, misery never sleeps alone. It is difficult to withstand the temptation to forget about what ails you by jumping into another relationship. The problem with using other people as heartbreak menders is that this can quickly turn into a pattern. Better you clear your plate of all liaisons and concentrate on yourself first. Think about your past relationship issues and learn from them. As the saying goes, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. I promise a more standard column next month, and I appreciate your listening to my rants. I also appreciate Louis, who just dug a Shawshank Redemption-style tunnel from my house to the outside world.

Paget is the owner of Connections: Matchmaking and Personal Consulting.

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