You’re Not an Idiot – You’re Human


Getting excited about the potential for new love that ultimately fails doesn’t make you a joke

Do you remember the old, reoccurring Saturday Night Live skit “The Chris Farley Show”, which featured Chris Farley parodying himself as he interviewed famous actors, musicians and directors? He would comically hit himself on the head throughout his mock interviews when he made ridiculous comments (which was often – and hilariously golden), always exclaiming, “God, I’m such an idiot!”

How many of you singles out there have ever – after getting excited about a new person – ultimately uttered the words “I am such an idiot” after things have ended all too soon? I know I’ve said them to myself more times than I can count, and even more than a few girlfriends (just in the past month!) have said the same to me in passing conversation, via text, over the phone – and likely to themselves alone in the mirror.

It’s like singles, especially female singles, are in the business of self-deprecation. Put yourself out there and get disappointed? How dare you!? Should that happen, it’s time to put on the old “I should’ve known better” and “I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up” hats so you can ultimately punish yourself for being, well, human.

This doesn’t sound very fair now, does it? That’s because it isn’t – at all.

When you’re single, and especially if you have dated for quite some time and nothing seems to be panning out, you wonder when the right one will come along to make all the nonsense, tears and frustrations of love bombs over Birmingham seem like petty memories in your past. Because of this, naturally, when you meet someone new, you can’t help but have excitement and anticipation – especially if it starts off well.

There’s nothing at all wrong with getting your “hope count” up when this happens. As my friend Jennifer says, “If we don’t let ourselves ever get excited or hopeful, what‘s the point or trying?” Nothing – not even the unrelenting disappointments of loves lost – should be strong enough to quash the idea that there is someone out there for us and that we might just find our heart’s content (and even in Birmingham, a place where it sometimes feels that you’ve dated everyone except your preacher). Let yourself be comfortable with being excited when honest and true potentials happen to show up among all the riff raff. Look forward to dates, romance and time together. This is quite alright.

What is not permissible is punishing yourself with demeaning thoughts if these fledgling excitements turn into a lot of nothing (as they do at times) and you are left at the single’s worst nightmare – square one – once again. Thoughts like, “I can’t believe I actually tried,” “I should’ve known he would be like the others,” and “I am so mad at myself for even bothering” are simply your past hurts trying to tell you what you’re most afraid of hearing: “You’ll never find anyone.” Don’t allow this mindset! Remember, you’re not an idiot for being excited or for putting yourself and your heart on the line and trying. You are human. And by God, let your human hope flag fly.

Just remember to keep it flying even during times when you are disappointed (and trust, I am saying this to myself as much as I am to you.) It’ll happen when it happens, so be happy while on the journey and know your value. You’re not an idiot – you’re a prize!

One Response to “You’re Not an Idiot – You’re Human”

  1. Me says:

    WOW – Thanks for the pick me up. Sounds perfect for all the lost hope in this city of …well lets just be honest…crap single scene. Thoughts of positive and “keep on keeping on” is the way to go! I must agree with you Sam.

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